I know you have not heard from me in a while. Like most of you, I have been adjusting and processing and trying to handle the dramatic changes in all of our lives with the current pandemic. I feel like just now, I am starting to feel able to focus and do some of the things I have wanted and needed to do.
I will never forget my husband and me sitting on the couch that Wednesday evening, March 11th and watching things change by the minute. At least that is how it felt to me. Events were being cancelled throughout the night. I could not believe how quickly things were moving and unfolding. Everything now looks and feels very different than it did a month ago.
I have a few things I would like to write about and wish I had been able to write about it more in the moment the past few weeks.
The first being how I was not able to make myself do much. I was taking care of my boys, fixing meals, and everything looked okay but I really was not able to motivate myself to do anything much. I feel for those who have had to. I was doing the minimum and what I needed to do in order to maintain “normalcy”. I know we cannot appreciate and thank those who are working enough. I hope people have been kind and understanding and patient to themselves and others during this HUGE adjustment.
I am still trying to figure out how I feel. I know I have felt sad and confused and anxious. But I also feel grateful for this time. I almost hate to admit this because of all those who are suffering and have lost so much. Yet I truly feel like this is one of the greatest gifts many of us could ever have been given. How many times have you said to yourself, “I wish I had MORE time?”
For most of us, we have been given the gift of more time.
We all have been FORCED (there was no choice in the matter) to stop almost everything. No activities. No obligations outside the home. There are some work deadlines but it all feels different. I have been getting more sleep than I have in years. I am sleeping about eight hours a night. I am getting quality time with my family. We have all been outside a lot more. I have enjoyed watching spring’s beauty and colors unfold. I am grateful for the nice weather.
I am grateful for the slower pace and decreased schedule. At times it is a struggle to home school my boys who sometimes both want my attention at the same time. I am amazed at how well my boys have been getting along. I keep wondering, how much longer will this last?
I have heard from a few places and people the question of:
“Who do you want to BE during this unique time?”
I think it is a great question. Who do I want to be for my family, my friends, my neighbors, my co-workers? Who do I want to be for myself? I know I want to be kind and patient with myself and others. I want to be as generous as possible. I want to be helpful. I want to make the best of this situation. I want to take advantage of this special time since it may never happen again. I want to create some positive memories of this time. I want to notice the beauty of this spring. I want to notice and appreciate those few that are doing so much for all of us. I want to be calm. I want to be a good example for my children. I want to think about what is truly important.
The next question is,
“Who do I want to BE on the other side of this?”
Who do I want to be AFTER? We may not know when this will end but we do know it will. Who do I want to be in the after? What are the lessons or new habits or changes that I want to keep and carry forward into the time after? Please take the time to think about that. What actions or activities can you start doing now that will help you in the time after? What would you like to do with the extra 1-2 hours a day that you used to be commuting or taking your children to activities? I know that the answer for this is very different for everyone but try to be intentional of what you want for you and your family.
I teach a habits class and one of the easiest times to create new habits is when a major change in your life occurs. For example, when you move to a new house, or take a new job or start at a new school. With a big change already happening and being forced upon you, it is easier to incorporate other changes. We have been given the gift of a MAJOR change here. We did not choose it. There was no choice in the matter but how can you use this unusual time to help yourself. I know many families are spending more time together and eating more meals together.
Here is an example for something I want to carry forward into the “after.” I love my family and yet I did not do a good job of keeping in touch with them. I usually talk to my parents once or twice a week and then only one or two of my siblings on a regular basis. We have been getting together on a Zoom call almost once a week. This has been wonderful for me. I get to see almost everyone. Not everyone comes every time but it is helping me feel more connected to my siblings and their families. The weekly Zoom call is something I want to and hope to keep doing in the “after.”
Think about things you want to keep doing in the “after.”
I think that as a society we have been so busy DOING that we are not BEING who we want to truly be. We view our busyness as something to be proud of. As my wonderful coach said, “Our significance is NOT in the hustle.” Our significance is always there. Our significance is in our being, our being present. The “being” comes first. I want us all to use this time of PAUSING, of our different current living situation to focus on BEING who we are called to be, on being who we truly WANT to BE.
Wishing you love, hope, peace, and patience during this most unusual time.
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