I have always been the type to over analyze and try to optimize every decision I make. I over-think most of my decisions. I remember when I was a child having to find out the weather so I could decide on my clothes for the next day. I also considered what our specials were in school, how recently I had worn something and way too many other factors. I would choose something to wear and then I would continue to think about it and change my mind again at the last minute. I drove my parents and myself crazy with this not very important decision (which is why I have always craved having a uniform).
I really do try to optimize as many variables as possible with every decision. I am careful and thoughtful about the decisions I make. Decision fatigue is a real thing. We all only have so much mental capacity to make decisions. I know when I have hit my limit. I just want someone else to decide things for me which is why I have been called indecisive in my life. I am past the point of caring with decision fatigue because I am mentally exhausted, especially when I factor in trying to please other people too which is common for me.
The first important point around decisions is to decide (ha!) which ones are important and which ones are not. This relates to habits. Habits help us avoid wasting mental energy on things we don’t need to think about. What decisions can you avoid or eliminate that are not worth this limited mental resource?
I read the book, Decisive, by Chip and Dan Heath a few months ago. It is a book I would recommend for those who like to read self-help books. They present research findings and good stories to demonstrate their lessons. There are many tools in this book to help you make better decisions. I know I would LOVE to be better at making smarter decisions. I want to highlight some of this book’s recommendations. Making better decisions can make a real difference in every aspect of your life.
Two lessons from this book that stood out for me were:
10/10/10
The 10/10/10 tool is to help you get over the short term emotional feelings and reactions to a decision. The tool is to talk to someone you trust about how you will feel
- 10 minutes after you make a certain decision,
- 10 months after you make that decision, and
- 10 years after you make the decision.
The example they used was around deciding if you should ask someone out on a date.
Ten minutes after you may feel embarrassed and upset and rejected IF they did not say yes, you may feel ecstatic if the person did say yes, and you may just feel relieved to have done it and be able to know and move forward and stop thinking about it so much.
Ten months after you asked them out, hopefully you have some distance from the asking and can see what you learned from it.
Ten years after you asked the person out, you may not even remember doing it, or maybe the person is now your spouse and you will be forever grateful that you did.
I like this tool because of its simplicity but also because it helps put things in perspective of different time frames and hopefully help you see what is really important for you. What is the risk and reward or lack of risk and reward over the short term and the long term?
Widen Options
The other advice they had was to ALWAYS widen your options and make an effort to consider other possible solutions that you may not already see. If you feel like a decision is this OR that, try to come up with at least one or two other options. Think AND instead of OR. Is there a way to do both or combine the desired parts of different options? Try to think of the decision not as a Yes or No question. Rephrase the questions to be more open ended to help you come up with other options and solutions.
Talk to others who may have made a similar decision or solved the same problem and see what advice they have.
What if the one option you are considering disappeared and was no longer an option? What would you do then? Do some brainstorming. Often our first solution is not the best one and too often we stick with the first or default solution because our brains are lazy and then we look for confirmation of this initial solution.
The data in the book shows a tremendous statistical advantage of achieving success and making better decisions when you widen your options and really look for or consider more than two solutions. If you have a big decision that you are struggling with, I recommend reading this book and / or talking to others who may be able to help you make a better decision. I would love to help so give me a call if you are interested.
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