Although I agree with and love my “Keep Showing Up” mantra I feel the need to expand upon this idea further. A valid question I have heard from others, and I often have myself, is when or how do you know when to let go and STOP showing up? Is it time to quit? How do you know when it is time to move on to something or someone new?
This is not often a black and white or clear-cut answer – like most things. BUT it is an important question that I often ponder. Just yesterday when I was walking to school my son told me that if everyone in the world followed the plant rule “leaves of 3, let it be” no one would touch or enjoy plants in the basil family. This rule is to help us avoid poison ivy and poison oak, but it is not perfect. Rules are not perfect. There are times and situations when we need to know it is OK and even best to break a rule.
My personality is very loyal and hates resists change so I often keep trying and showing up until it is obviously time to let go or it is hurting me to keep going. My first thoughts around “letting go” were that we should not let go of people and relationships and upon further thought, I know that this is not true. (Yet it is interesting that I had this initial reaction.) There is a time to let go of friendships and relationships that are no longer reciprocal or beneficial YET all relationships go through their ups and downs. I want to give extra time and patience to people and relationships. Only you know what is best for you.
I love the advice: if you are not sure what to do, don’t do anything (don’t make the big decision) until you do know and hopefully, the right decision will become obvious. When I say don’t do anything, that does not mean don’t take any action. It means to try things or new actions or behaviors within the current situation to see what shifts and becomes evident for the difficult decision.
Some examples that come to mind – letting go of a job, sport or activity or letting go of a relationship / friendship.
First, try to be patient, especially if you are not sure. What is bothering you? What can you control? What can you change for yourself? What can you try? Is it speaking up and talking about what is bothering you? Can you set or try new boundaries? How do you want it to be? Can you get some of those needs or wants in a different way – with a different coach, another friend?
As I’m writing this, I am feeling like this is too challenging and complicated a topic to try to write about. Yikes. There is too much to tease out. Oh well. The point to these posts are to share my thoughts and hopefully get you thinking.
Bottom line, no “rule” or advice is perfect. Flexibility, openness, patience and listening to yourself are key to knowing when to let something or someone go.
Change is part of life. Change can be hard, yet life would be incredibly boring and stagnant if there was no change. We all are meant to learn and grow, that is a form of change.
Keep showing up is important – especially for ourselves and those we love yet it isn’t often easy or always the answer. I wanted to recognize that. Life is messy. We are messy. Embrace the messiness and the lack of black and white. The imperfections and limitations of “rules.” Be willing to try new things where you may fail. There is no failure, only learning.
Most importantly, listen to yourself to know when to keep showing up and when to let go. Both have their place and their lessons for us.
Keep showing up for yourself and what you want is an important aspect of this and it may include letting go of things that no longer serve you or that you have outgrown.
P.S. Yes, for those long time readers, I have written about this topic before.
Here is another resource I liked too.
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