Who do you spend the most time with? Do you admire them?
Stop and think about those two questions. What are your thoughts and reactions?
Have you heard the saying:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”
(most often attributed to Jim Rohn)?
This comes from many studies that show that we are greatly influenced by our friends and who we spend our time with. The reason for this is that who we spend our time with affects what we consider “normal”. Our friends and family can influence our beliefs, our thoughts and habits. The amazing thing is that even our friend’s friends have an unknowing influence on us. The data indicate that if your friend has a friend that you are not even friends with becomes obese that this increases the likelihood of you becoming obese.
Hmmm. How can you and should you use this information?
First off, be picky about who you spend your time with. Spend time with people who are aligned with your values and goals. Ideally, to help yourself, you want to spend time with and be friends with people who are a little bit better than you and can help you reach the next level or be MORE of who you want to be. If you want to work out more, find friends who do work out and value that.
Thinking about this for myself made me realize how truly grateful I am for my “5-6 people”. They are all unlike and better than me in various ways but when I look at who they are and their positive qualities I consider myself lucky because they do help me be a better person. I love to hear their ideas and what they are learning and doing.
All of them are in slightly different financial situations but I like how money is not an issue for them. Money is not a negative aspect of their life. Yes, I realize I live in a special and privileged place but even though some have more money than others, I don’t feel like anyone is comparing or trying to keep up the Jones’.
My friends are all overly kind and generous. They are smart and funny. They are creative and accomplished and impressive in many diverse ways. They are all family focused and amazing friends to me. They are healthy and active. I SO love spending time with them. I truly believe they help me and have helped me be a better and happier person.
I am struck with how much my description of them matches what I value and what is important to me and who I want to be.
Thinking about and noticing who my “Five People” are, was affirming for me.
But what if that is not true for you?
What if you would like to change who your “Five People” are?
First start saying no or setting boundaries for those people who have a negative impact on you.
How can you find people who are more aligned with who you want to be?
Get clear on the values or attributes you want to surround yourself with. And then be on the lookout for them. Engage in activities that you love and enjoy and align with what you want.
Your friends and relationships and connections are very important factors in your happiness. Do not underestimate their power and don’t take them for granted. Recognize how important this controllable aspect of your life is for your well-being. Cultivate and prioritize the relationships that help you be who you want to be AND add positively to your life.
As Darren Hardy writes in The Compound Effect:
“According to research by social psychologist Dr. David McClelland of Harvard, [the people you habitually associate with] determine as much as 95 percent of your success or failure in life.”
Choose wisely.
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